You can't make this STUFF up!!!!!

So...I'm still having symptoms of hypocalcemia - low calcium.  I wake with numb lips and tingles in my fingers.  I know it's minor hypocalcemia from the last blood test that came back below normal but not terrible.
First off, I was not taking enough calcium.  Mayo prescribes 5700 mg daily (or two 950 mg tablets, three times/day).  In the grogginess of post-surgery I miscalculated and was getting about half of that. It was my mistake.  So, I corrected that and was on the right dosage for a few days and thought I should re-check and Mayo suggested testing PTH (parathyroid hormone) as well.  So, one week ago today I went to the clinic and had blood drawn to test TSH, PTH and Ca.  Then the waiting started because this is not Mayo after all...
Monday, no results...Tuesday, no results but my TSH was 0.56 (that's good)...today they call me to tell me my Vitamin D3 results - 39.  Except they called me last week and told me that so I said "I don't need that result, I need Ca and PTH."  The reply "I have your Ca right here but can't give it to you over the phone and there's not PTH.  Let me check and call you back."  She calls back "Please don't shoot the messenger [never a good way to start a call] but your blood was compromised and they never tested your PTH."  I asked about the Ca - "I'm looking right at it but I can't give it to you over the phone.  But since you need to go to the hospital anyway to get PTH blood work done, you can sign a release there and they'll give you your Ca."
So, off to the hospital I went.  I had my blood drawn for PTH.  Everyone was super nice and knowledgeable.  I went to "medical records" and filled out paperwork to release my Ca results.  They hand me print outs of TSH and Vitamin D3.  "I am interested in knowing my Ca.  It was drawn on January 29th at the clinic."  They replied that they had no Ca in the system.  They walked me to the lab to see if the lab had the results and the lab showed me the order that was sent in:  PTH, Vitamin D3 (which was not to be tested) and TSH...no Calcium!!  Then they explained that they could not test my PTH because the blood had aged - after three days it's no good - the clinic left it there Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday and then the hospital lab got it and could not test it.
So, they suggested I have my blood drawn (second poke of the day - luckily I don't mind) right then and there and they'd hold it until the order for Ca got faxed over - saving me a return trip.  I thanked them, left my blood with the vampire lady and went off to the clinic.
I explained at the clinic that the hospital never got the order for the Calcium..."but we are looking at your Calcium results right here" was the reply.  I asked them to check the date.  "Oh, I didn't look at the date.  You are right, there's nothing from January 29th.  I'll fax the order right now."  I thanked them and left.
Now, my phone buzzes - I have an app on the phone that routes home voice mail to my cell.  I check it - it's a fax.  I open the fax - there's the order for the lab to test PTH and Ca - and they FAXED IT TO MY HOME PHONE!!!!!  Not to the hospital lab.  I downloaded it to my cell, called the hospital, asked for the nice folks in the lab...they shared their e-mail with me, I sent the order over and they acknowledged getting it.  By Monday, God-willing, I'll have PTH and Ca results.
So the clinic errors:  Drew blood left it sit 4 days.  Didn't order the right tests.  Looked at test results with the wrong date.  Faxed order to my home phone and not to the lab.  Geesh.
Now for the pharmacist rant...
950 mg of Ca times six tablets a day = 5700 mg.  The bottle they dispensed to me (Walgreens I might add) were tablets that contained 630 mg of Ca per dosage - two tablets in a dose.  So...my rudimentary math skills say that's 315 per tablet or needing to take 18 pills per day.  But alas no, the pharmacist tells the pharmacy tech to tell me (he would not talk to me, not even look at me) that I need to take 9 a day.  "You are off by half" was my reply.  Her reply back to me, holding up the prescription from Mayo "That's how your prescription was written."  OK, so by now I'm starting to get real Jersey if you know what I mean...forget Iowa nice or Southern charm..."Oh, I know exactly how it's written.  There's 315 milligrams of Calcium in each pill.  I need 5700 milligrams per day.  That's 18 pills.  You are off by half."  I said all this with my calculator app open on my phone, doing the math as I spoke.  She went back to the pharmacist who would not look at me, went to the shelf, grabbed another bottle and dispensed the calcium citrate.
I feel like I'm in some medical Twilight Zone where nothing happens properly.  I can't really get too mad at the pharmacist since I made the same error myself when looking at the Caltrate Petites and looked at dosage and not per pill.  However, I did that the day I got released from Mayo while still quite groggy - AND I'M NOT A PHARMACIST!!!  My math had me taking 15 petites a day and I should have been taking 30...it didn't seem possible.  But no excuses, I screwed up.  So did the pharmacist.  So did the clinic.
I guess I'm just happy the surgeon and the anesthesiologist did so great!!!
Enough ranting...count my blessings - offering it up for a brother named Steve in NJ who is dealing with some pain.